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But more frequently, emotional unavailability is seen as the hallmark of short or dysfunctional relationships.Even though the signs of emotional unavailability may be easy to spot or even clearly advertised by someone, it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with the difficulties of pursuing a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner – especially if you have become heavily emotionally involved yourself.
This means that they are unwilling to share their thoughts and feelings with you and prefer to keep things locked up. Whether it is explaining why he had to cancel on you yet again, or telling you why he just cannot see himself committing right now, he will be full of reasons why he cannot give you what you need.
After a heavy night of drinking he confessed that he was scared to get into another relationship because he associates them with pain and feeling trapped. It dawned on me that he probably had one foot out the door the entire time.
He admitted that he puts up walls, shuts down, and he just couldn’t bear to go through another break-up again. Why did I, yet again, get ahead of myself and trust someone that I barely knew?
One of life’s interesting phenomenon is that we often reject the very thing we seek.
So the most distant and emotionally unavailable people desperately want to be available and feel that connection, but the fear and learned coping strategies get in the way.